Supply and demand

In recent years, on television and especially on social media, there’s been a dramatic increase in the number of people opening up about the personal challenges they’ve faced. Famous musicians, reality stars, sports personalities, influencers with a huge following… and even royalty… have shared intimate details of their struggles around mental health and well being, relationships and even questions about their own identity. Their stated aims are typically to raise awareness, overcome taboos and encourage us all to reach out if we need help rather than suffering alone.

In general, this information explosion has been a positive trend. The general public is better informed about what other people are going through and, on average, more open to seeking professional support, (although concerns have been raised about increased self-harm and suicide rates among teenagers and vulnerable individuals as a result of what they view online).

But sadly, the supply of professional help provided by public health services generally hasn’t kept up with increasing demand. Quite the opposite in fact. As I write this, many services are in crisis after public spending cuts and the after-effects of the COVID-19 pandemic, which has left long waiting lists of people wanting help.

Some private health insurers will pay or make a contribution towards the costs of therapy/ psychological help in certain circumstances so that’s an option that may be worth exploring if it’s open to you… and if you can convince the insurer that you fit their criteria.

And voluntary or not-for-profit organisations can be massively helpful in plugging some of the gaps, (especially for individuals who are in crisis or have specific needs) and they are certainly worth exploring. However, it’s worth bearing in mind that some of their services also require payment or at least a contribution from clients.

Eligibility & availability

If you seek professional help funded by the public sector or health insurers, it may be free or part-funded but there are potential issues of waiting times and being able to match the qualifying criteria they have set. To put it bluntly, will they agree that you need the help you’re asking for and that your level of need makes you a priority?

Another question mark is whether the type of therapy you’d ideally choose is available to you in your area; (for example with increasing emphasis on evidence-based approaches, some types of therapy are widely available while others are not approved because there haven’t been enough controlled studies to demonstrate their success or just because they’re more expensive). And very often there’s a time limit or a session limit on a course of ‘treatment’. It’s just economics.

Price, quality, value… and choice

Fortunately, in many parts of the world there’s a huge choice of private or self-employed therapists, counsellors and psychologists with a shorter (or no) waiting list, who you can approach directly. How much you pay for their services will obviously depend on a range of factors including where you live, the type of therapy you choose, the experience and qualifications of the therapist, how much they’re in demand and how they choose to price their time.

Unlike many goods and services, when it comes to therapy I’ve found that price isn’t necessarily a good measure of quality. I’ve known some inept therapists who were very cheap but I’ve also met many lovely therapists, counsellors and psychologists who work privately and offer a low session rate (or a sliding scale based on a client’s ability to pay) because, for example, they’re just starting out and trying to get established or they want to make themselves accessible to all or because they ‘don’t need the money’ or it’s just not important to them. Conversely, I’ve met a few charlatans who charge exorbitant session rates because they have an over-inflated ego and are good at the ‘hard sell’, but they don’t deliver results. And if clients complain about a total lack of progress, they get the blame for “not putting in the work” or are told they “don’t understand the process”.

This is why it’s SO important to develop a clear list of WHAT you’re looking for, ask lots of questions at the start and keep your wits about you to make sure the person is right for you and is helping you get the results you want. I’ve explained how you might do this in the next section: A step-by-step approach to finding the right therapist for you

To be fully transparent… I occasionally provide one-to-one or small group coaching for clients who want to dramatically accelerate their progress through the unbreakyourheart process. And those sessions are expensive because I have many years’ experience helping clients make lasting changes… and I have very limited time available because I spend so much of my life developing and supporting the unbreakyourheart online programme.

To paraphrase American author and academic John Naisbit:

“The value of anything is what people are willing to pay for it.”

Years ago I was hurting so much that I was willing to dedicate lots of time and make financial sacrifices to pay for the kind of professional help that was really making a difference to me. Looking back, I suppose I thought about therapy not as a cost but as an investment in my well being and future happiness.