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PART 2: WHY, WHY WHY? #3 EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE
#3.4 A short message about Emotional Baggage and relationship choices
Whether or not you’re clear about the Emotional Baggage that’s getting in the way of YOUR relationship happiness, I hope we can agree: If you keep having bad relationships, dating guys who are all wrong for you, sabotaging relationships with decent guys who could be right or living through the same painful situations over and over again… or if you’re endlessly searching for but not finding ‘the one’…
It’s probably no coincidence and it’s not bad luck… Instead it’s down to the relationship choices you’re making
- As we’ve learned so far, the wrong guys often seem attractive because they remind us of our past. We get sucked into dysfunctional relationships because they feel familiar and somehow ‘normal’; there’s something about a guy or how he makes us feel that reminds us, unconsciously, of our past… and it makes us ignore the warning signs. Instead of walking away, we jump right into a relationship and then behave as we always did… and history repeats itself.
- Or we’re determined to avoid the old dramas from the past, so we lurch to the opposite extreme. For example we’re so desperate to avoid the smothering neediness of a relationship in childhood that we keep choosing guys who won’t commit.
- Sometimes we screen out or friend-zone decent guys who have the potential to make us happy because they don’t remind us of the people who were significant to us when we were growing up, (yes, the very people who DIDN’T make us feel good in childhood… go figure).
- Or else we (unconsciously) sabotage potentially healthy relationships that are chugging along quite nicely because we’re craving the old familiar dramas.
Of course, none of these are conscious, deliberate, rational choices based on what will make us happy. Instead they’re unconscious, automatic responses, shaped by our past. That’s why we need to stop and reflect, so we become consciously aware of what’s going wrong and WHY… Then we can fix ourselves, by working with our unconscious mind. (There’s more about how to do this coming up soon.)
This is why we’re here and why I created the unbreakyourheart process.
So how are you feeling after this exploration of your Emotional Baggage? Most women are relieved when they start to understand WHY they’ve been having difficult or complicated relationships, because it takes them a big step closer to a solution. Some also feel rather nervous, wondering how they’re going to put things right.
However YOU’RE feeling right now, I’m happy to reassure you that you CAN clear out your Emotional Baggage. I know this from first-hand experience, both as a professional psychologist and as a woman who had a disastrous relationship history, until I made some big changes, with the help of the unbreakyourheart process.
If YOU have a history of difficult or painful relationships, there’s something very important I’d like to remind you of… something I wasn’t aware of until I cleared out a lot of my Emotional Baggage and experienced a close, loving relationship:
- When a good man with a SECURE attachment style is in a relationship, he’s really motivated to make his partner happy, by doing things for her and taking care of her.
- A SECURE woman not only likes to take care of her partner, she also enjoys being taken care of and letting him do things for her.
- And when a partner is proving trustworthy and they believe there may be a future for the relationship, it’s usual for SECURE men and women to gradually open up and get closer as the relationship progresses.
If this hasn’t generally been your experience in your romantic relationships and you’re looking for love, then I’m really glad you’re here.
As you’re working through this programme, analysing what’s been going wrong in your relationships and identifying its roots in your early life, you’re pinpointing the Emotional Baggage YOU need to clear out so you can break away from your dysfunctional relationship patterns and be free to have healthier and more loving relationships that make YOU feel special… not just occasionally but (almost) all of the time.
You’ll be able to draw on all of your questionnaire results and insights when we put together YOUR EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE INVENTORY, ready for your personal spring clean in PART 3.