The fluidity of memory

• Simply recalling a memory (i.e. retrieving it from long-term storage), often changes it. This is because our memories of the past are updated in line with things that have happened to us since. For example, we smell popcorn and it brings back the memory of a wonderful day out with an ex… but then we remember he cheated on us soon afterwards and that memory loses its magic forever.
• Memories can also be modified for the better. For example, imagine you overhear a friend saying some harsh things about you and it really hurts your feelings. Every time you remember that day, you feel increasingly hurt and resentful. Until your friend takes you aside to ask what’s wrong… and explains that you got the wrong end of the stick – she wasn’t talking about you at all. Suddenly your perspective changes and the negative emotional charge on that memory disappears for good… or maybe the hurt is replaced by a slight feeling of embarrassment for overreacting!

Once a memory has been updated or transformed in this way, it goes back into storage in its new modified form, ready for the next time you remember (retrieve) it… as you’ll discover when you start transforming your memories in PART 3.

So in preparation for that, let’s wrap up everything we’ve learned about how our memory works and why emotionally charged memories are special, by revisiting our memory infographic… this time with a few more details added:

Knowing how your memory works – and especially the huge impact of emotion in the memory process – is important because it helps you understand how your Emotional Baggage was formed and strengthened over time and… more importantly… how you can let it go.

Coming up, I’ll show you how you can change the way you view and interpret your painful memories – working with your unconscious mind – so that you can release their negative emotional charge and any unhelpful beliefs you stored away at the time. Afterwards you’ll still be able to recall what happened, but your memories will no longer make you feel bad or keep you stuck in old patterns of behaviour.

When you clear out your Emotional Baggage in this way, it will disappear from your life for good… so you’ll be free to develop healthier, happier relationships.

And just in case you’re thinking that you can’t remember much from your past, let me reassure you…

Even if we have no conscious recollection of childhood, we CAN retrieve distant, emotionally charged memories… and stay completely relaxed and comfortable in the process… it’s easy when you know how

I’m always amazed by the things people remember while they’re clearing out their Emotional Baggage. Even clients who have very few conscious memories before the age of ten or eleven, often end up recalling things that happened when they were two or three years old… or even earlier… right down to the little shoes they were wearing at the time!

And it’s reassuring to know that, when clearing out our Emotional Baggage, it’s our very earliest memories we need to work with. Why? Because, unlike our more recent emotionally charged memories, which can be dramatic and intense, our earliest emotionally charged experiences were often pretty minor and short-lived… the kind of everyday situations that can happen in the life of any small child. We only got so upset at the time because we lacked the reasoning power or experience to make sense of what was happening and calm ourselves down… and, for whatever reason, we didn’t get the support and reassurance we needed from the adults around us to make us feel OK.

But when we re-evaluate these memories today, applying our adult logic and experience, we can easily reinterpret events in the context of the bigger picture. So we feel better about what happened… and the emotional charge and any unhelpful beliefs, (which are stored away in our unconscious mind), just melt away.

Coming up in PART 3: UNBREAKYOURHEART FOR GOOD, we have a process that can help you transform YOUR painful memories in this way: