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PART 2: WHY,WHY WHY? #3 EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE
#3.6 How our memory works… and why emotionally charged memories are special
Before we find out how we can heal the scars (Emotional Baggage), left behind by our painful childhood experiences, we first need to understand a bit about how our memory works and how our emotions influence what we remember.
In particular, we need to understand why and how we store away memories of painful things that happen, complete with their emotional charge, starting at a very early age. This will really help later in PART 2, when I explain how we can defuse those painful memories by releasing their emotional charge so they can no longer come back to bite us.
So let’s start by exploring what recent research can tell us about how our memory works…
First a few words about memory research:
A huge amount of memory research has been carried out by psychologists and neuroscientists over the years, but unfortunately most of it has been done in the laboratory. Much of the time researchers study animals (for example making rats run around mazes). And, where humans ARE used, they’re often university students who are forced to be experimental subjects (guinea pigs) as part of their degree course requirements and may not be representative of the general population.
When I was a psychology undergraduate, I can remember being wired up with electrodes in preparation for an experiment on motion sickness… but I arrived straight from an all-night party. As the experiment started, my head was already spinning so much I thought I was going to be sick… which presumably messed up that day’s experimental results.
For a long time, memory researchers also studied people whose brains had been damaged by accident or illness because often this was one of the best ways to infer how healthy brains work. But recently major advances have come about through the availability of fMRI scanners that enable scientists to observe and measure normal brain activity in real time. In recent years we’ve also gained a far better understanding of the role played by hormones and neurotransmitters (brain chemicals) in our memory process.
While searching for useful research studies that were relevant to this programme, I was frustrated at times because the content of what people are asked to remember in these experiments is often pretty meaningless – typically lists of words or numbers. But I did manage to find some studies that used more meaningful material (such as stories and film clips) as well as a few that looked at how our memories work in everyday life, out in the real world.
It’s fair to say that, in many areas of memory research, there are no definitive answers yet. Academics love to leave the door open for the ‘further research needed’ that will keep them busy for years to come! And for every theory there is always a counter theory or alternative opinion. But in this section I’ve tried to focus on ideas and theories that seem to be widely accepted… and also fit with my own experience of working with many clients and observing how they seem to store emotionally charged memories.
This isn’t a comprehensive academic review and anyway it’s a field of study that’s advancing rapidly, so I’m there’s lots more to add. My aim is simply to share with you some interesting findings that help us understand how our memories are formed, why emotion is so crucial in the remembering process… and how you can change your memories for the better with help from the unbreakyourheart process.
How our memory works – a quick overview to set the scene
For many years now, researchers have suggested that we have a short-term, ‘working memory’ which is like a temporary processing station, plus a long-term memory, where useful information is stored for later retrieval – rather like a warehouse or an archive.
They generally describe four distinct stages in the memory process: encoding, consolidation, storage and retrieval although, as with all models of how our minds work, it’s likely to be a gross oversimplification. For the sake of completeness, I’ve added an extra stage at the front-end, showing all the information entering our working memory at the start of the process.
Here’s an infographic I’ve created to give you an overview, followed by my plain-English summary of what seems to happen at each stage.
So let’s find out a bit more about what happens at each stage. I think you’ll probably be amazed by just how much is going on inside your brain… even while you’re sleeping! (I’ve done my best to minimise jargon but if this explanation feels too scientific or too much detail, it’s OK to skip out the first three stages and just read about stages 4 and 5, which are especially relevant to the unbreakyourheart process.)
Information input
While we’re awake, experiences and sensations enter our working (short-term) memory, where they’re held in conscious awareness for a very short period of time (probably less than a minute) and filtered for importance. (For example, if someone tells you about an interesting app or a new series, you probably think about it consciously for maybe ten or twenty seconds, then your attention shifts to something else).
It has been estimated that our brains process up to 10 trillion bits of information per second (including all the minute details that we perceive via all of our senses – through our eyes, ears, skin etc). Our working memory evaluates whether the information might be worth keeping, and discards most of it immediately. Prioritised information is examined more closely to assess whether it should be placed into long-term storage.
Encoding
Information in our working memory is translated, (in the hippocampus area of the brain in case you were wondering), into a format that’s suitable for storage (e.g. into pictures, words, sounds, feelings).
Typically, our memory uses all these formats but you probably have a preference for one or two. Coming up soon we have a QUIZ to help you work out your preferred format.
Consolidation
Memory traces are fixed or ‘set’, which can take anything from days to years. (This reminds me of the days before digital cameras when we had to send our rolls of film away and wait hours or even days for the lab to develop the film and print the photographs. I still remember how excited I used to feel when I got my holiday photos back!).
There’s some debate about exactly how consolidation happens and a variety of theories have been proposed. However, it seems likely that there are two forms of consolidation, both of which involve physical changes in the brain:
The first is known as ‘synaptic consolidation’ – in the first few hours after an event, new connections form between neurons in the brain, at the point where they meet (the synapses). ‘New ‘pathways’ are created inside the brain as cells join up in new ways… a bit like creating a new route on Google Maps (or filling in a ‘join-the-dots’ puzzle). This requires proteins to be made in the parts of the brain that are creating the memory.
The process of making new connections, (i.e. new memories), can be enhanced or disrupted (for example by the presence of chemicals produced by the body or introduced from outside).
Later, the new pathways can be strengthened in two ways. First, when you repeat the same experience for real, (e.g. when it happens again spontaneously or when you decide to practise a new skill). Secondly, when you just think about the experience (e.g. when you go back over an event in your mind or imagine performing a skill).
And if new pathways are not re-used, they can be lost. Think about all those skills you started learning but didn’t practise – like foreign languages or algebra!
The second is known as ‘systems consolidation’ – over a period of days, weeks, months or even years, memories are reorganised and moved into permanent storage (in the neocortex area of the brain), where they’re integrated with the information that’s already stored there.
Most of this consolidation probably happens while we’re most deeply asleep, most likely during the REM (Rapid Eye Movement) phase.
So sleep gives our brains a chance to make sense of things, move information around and integrate our new knowledge with the things we already know… Maybe that’s why our dreams can be so fascinating but also so disjointed, because we’re getting snapshots of the information that’s being moved around during this reorganisation process.
Storage
The information that’s stored in our long-term memory is organised into categories. People used to think of this as like an old-fashioned filing system but recent research suggests it’s more fluid and dynamic than that, with connections and groupings being constantly made and remade.
Memories that share common themes seem to be connected together to make them easier to recall, (rather like tagging photos). Everybody’s ‘tagging system’ is probably unique. For example, all your holiday memories might be connected in one category, while memories that evoke a particular feeling might be connected in another.
It’s thought that events and experiences from our own life (autobiographical memories) are stored separately from general theoretical and factual knowledge that’s not personal to us (semantic memory).
There’s also lots of evidence that we store memories in relation to when they happened – which is why we generally recognise whether an event happened recently or a long time ago.
Retrieval
Memories can be taken out of storage later. Retrieval can happen on purpose, when we try to remember something, (for example the name of an actor or the appearance of our childhood bedroom).
It can also be involuntary, when we see or hear something that triggers a memory. (For me, the smell of suntan lotion automatically brings back images of the beach even if it’s a rainy night in January!) In fact, we might not even be consciously aware of the stimulus that triggers a memory, as it might only last a fraction of a second! There’s more about this very soon.
In the process of retrieval, memories are often modified – for example their meaning and emotional charge will change because of things that have happened to us in the time since we stored the original information.
Modified memories are then re-consolidated and stored in their new state.
This is VERY good news when we want to clear out our Emotional Baggage, as we’ll find out soon.
This summary is based on memory research carried out by psychologists and neuroscientists. If you’d like to learn more or check out some of the original sources for this information, you’ll find a list of useful references here.
And now let’s fill in that quick quiz to explore one of the ways YOUR brain likes to store memories…