When parents and other key caregivers consistently soothe a very young child when she’s afraid or upset and give her confidence to explore the world, the child is far more likely to develop a SECURE style of attachment – she feels lovable, trusting, sure of her place in the world and is generally relaxed and happy in her relationships with others.

However, if important caregivers DON’T meet these two crucial needs for whatever reason, the child is far more likely to develop either an ANXIOUS style of attachment (she lacks self-confidence, feels unlovable and is afraid of being abandoned, so she works extremely hard to stay close to people she cares about) or an AVOIDANT style (she’s afraid to get close or trust other people and so works hard to assert her independence and keep her distance). She might even develop a combination of these two styles.

SECURE: Feels lovable, positive, relaxed, confident & happy in relationships

OR

ANXIOUS: Works hard to stay close, afraid of abandonment, feels unlovable

OR

AVOIDANT: Keeps people at arm’s length; afraid of losing her independence

And unless something significant happens to change things, she’s likely to stay this way right through to adulthood, which can have a significant impact on all of her subsequent relationships…. especially the romantic kind.