Flip-flopping due to inner conflict
When a small part of you is released from secure storage and ‘takes over’ for a while, it can sometimes trigger the release of another part of you that has a very different take on life, and this can create all kinds of issues.
Being in touch with conflicting parts of yourself can make you feel as though you’re in two minds about things… which can be really confusing and can complicate your decision-making process. It can also make you behave inconsistently and even stop you moving forward with your life.
Does this ever happen to you? To remind yourself about your results on our Emotional Baggage Questionnaire, click here.
If you ever think (or hear yourself say), “Part of me feels […X…] but another part feels [the opposite]”, this is a strong clue that you may have got back in touch with two (or more) different parts or fragments of yourself, which your unconscious mind has been keeping in secure storage.
It’s as though, for every part of you that your unconscious mind has ‘locked away’ to protect you, when the emotions were too painful to deal with, it has also held onto an opposite or compensating part to help keep you balanced, (think yin and yang), and to preserve the things that make you special
This is great because it has enabled you to hold onto valuable facets of yourself that you might otherwise have lost. But, as you can see, it’s a double-edged sword because you can end up flipping between two different and competing perspectives, rather like a mediator who has to weigh up competing positions and try to find a way forward.
So being in two minds can make it difficult for you to know what you truly want or to stick to a course of action.
Sasha broke up with her ex when she finally admitted to herself that he was a LIAR LIAR who promised the earth but was never going to deliver. Feeling lonely (and under pressure from her family), a responsible, dutiful part of her took over and she started seeing Geoff, a solid, reliable guy. He had two kids who spent alternate weeks with him, a steady job and his feet firmly on the ground.
But after their third date, as she thought about the reality of a future with Geoff, her heart sank… and the opposite part of her kicked in – a small, starry-eyed part that wanted to believe anything was possible. And suddenly she ‘just knew’ things could never work with someone like Geoff. She couldn’t resist those crazy, ideas guys who shoot for the stars… even if it often ends in tears.
So she spent a few more years alternating between dating solid guys and crazy guys… never satisfied because she always felt as though she was missing out.
For women who have an ANXIOUS attachment style, conflicting parts can be a nightmare especially when they’re trying to end an unhappy relationship. For example, a tough or protective part is getting ready to leave… but then something about the situation triggers a small ANXIOUS part that believes, “If I just try harder, maybe I can find a way to get him to love me”. This kind of faulty thinking can keep women in unsatisfactory or damaging relationships, even though their heart is breaking.
So if YOU find yourself flip-flopping between options, constantly changing plans or fighting with yourself – and it’s causing issues in your life – conflicting parts could be to blame. Coming up next we’ll find out more about the damage this can do to your relationships, when we look at ‘The downsides of having Emotional Baggage bubbling under the surface’. And later on, I’ll explain how you can reconcile them, using the tools we’ll be working with in PART 3.