UnbreakYourHeart | Wiz Part 2 Pg 04

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PART 2: WHY, WHY, WHY? INTRODUCTION

So WHY do we get caught up in relationships that make us unhappy?

As we can see from John’s situation (and maybe our own), the quality of our adult relationships depends a lot on the partners we allow into our lives and the kind of treatment we accept from them. And these choices are greatly influenced by expectations and beliefs we’re probably not even consciously aware of – for example, expectations about how relationships should be and beliefs about the kind of treatment we deserve (which ultimately comes down to how valuable and lovable we feel). There’s lots of evidence that our expectations and beliefs can become a self-fulfilling prophecy:

The Upward Spiral:

If we expect relationships to go well and we feel good about ourselves, we’re drawn to guys who treat us well and we reject those who treat us badly. So we generally have positive, affirming relationship experiences and this increases our self-esteem and confidence about relationships.

The Downward Spiral:

If we have negative expectations about men & relationships and don’t feel great about ourselves, we tend to be attracted to and stay with guys who are Heartbreakers so we get used to being treated badly… and these painful relationships lower our confidence & self-esteem even further.

In other words, if we have a pattern of painful relationships it’s NOT that we’re ‘unlucky in love’ and it’s no coincidence that we keep ending up with the wrong guys. Our unconscious choices create our ‘luck’. (I’ll explain more about the unconscious mind a little later in PART 2).

So how did we get into this downward spiral in the first place? And where did those negative expectations come from?